An Inadequate Life...

Don’t be afraid of death as much as an inadequate life-Bertolt Brecht
Daily, I feel that my life is inadequate. That is such a sad thought but daily I sit in an office without windows and dream of a different life. I answer the few phone calls that ring on my phone and feel more and more tired each day that I turn my back on my dream.
What keeps me rooted where I am? Security and the fear of not succeeding in my dreams hold me in this place of boredom and selfishness.
I have had this pressing feeling for so many years that I need to do something more for people. I always try to help the people that I see that are homeless…I used to buy the crazy guy that rode between Napa and San Francisco meals and gave money out when I have it and sort cans for the food bank. But those few things are not enough. I have so many things to offer.
I think about buying fleece that I could make blankets. Winter is so cold here in Utah and there has been an increase in the people that come through the shelters. There is not enough beds for everyone and once it is full they sleep in stair wells or in their cars. Fleece is so cheap and all you would have to do is cut them into rectangles. It would be so easy and could save people lives.
I think about getting the leftover bagels from Einstein’s that they happily donate at the end of the day but if there is not someone to donate the extras to they are thrown in the trash. I know this because I worked there. Most of the time the donations go to PTA’s or some silly little event that the people that attend it enjoy but can go home to their full pantries and did not really need those extra calories. It would be something that would just take some ones time. There is no excuse for not being able to do this!
I went to this church recently in Denver that has transformed itself from this cold unfriendly church to one that is overflowing with members that have a true passion for loving people. Is that not what Jesus wanted us to do with our lives? They run the church services at the prison; they work with Rebuilding Together to help improve low income, elderly and disabled people’s homes. The church has become a outward focused congregation and have changed their own lives in the process. It is inspiring!
There are so many things that I could do to help people and not live this inadequate life that I live now. When am I going to overcome the fear?